If People Had Warning Labels

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I’ve often thought life would be a lot easier if people came with warning labels. It would save us the trouble of discovering things we should have known from the beginning; things we all hold back for fear that we may not be lovable if we showed who we really are. The bad and the good. How many times in life have you taken someone to be the person they presented themself as, only to discover down the road, they’re not the person you thought they were. Why not just show who we are from the beginning? What are we all so afraid of?
Now that I’m truly entering a new decade of age this month (30 was last year, but THIRTY-ONE?! I’m really “in it” now), I feel less inclined to hide parts of myself. I’ve grown to accept the things about myself that make me imperfect, and I’d really like to think that anyone I invite into my life from this point forward will know the real me. I’d like to think that by putting my own warning label out there, maybe others will do the same. To save anyone trouble in the future, here’s what mine would say:

WARNING:
Known to bust balls (I’m from Massachusetts. Get a backbone or get away).
Quotes movies incessantly. Incessantly.
Tends to isolate and retreat inward when faced with difficult situations.
Nostalgia has been known to incapacitate and depress for periods of time.
Doesn’t know how to ask for help.
Laughs too loud.
Never listens to voicemails.
Doesn’t work well when combined with individuals with subversive or passive aggressive tendencies.
Has frequent urges to spend long periods of time alone.
Wakes with the sun.
Has an aversion to talking on the phone.
Disorganized.
Cannot make the simplest of decisions.
Intolerant of judgmental people.
Has smelly feet.
Falls asleep at 9 p.m.
Likes to be in control.
Has a habit of starting projects and not finishing them.
Sees the good in everyone.
Won’t play “the game.”
Doesn’t back down.
Holds those around to high standards.

This is me.

And I’m quite sure I’m leaving something out, even. I’m not saying all of this to indulge in narcissism, but in the hopes of making others less afraid of showing who they really are. I want people around me to know who I am from the get-go, so I know they have me in their life for the right reasons. Because for all of the things that may be bad, there is more good. I know this.

If getting older means becoming increasingly unapologetic about who I am…bring it on.

What would your warning label say?

-A

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