Love, Loss, Liberation

 

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What if we could never lose the people we fall in love with?

What if we could keep them forever?

Wouldn’t that be magnificent?

To get to just know they’ll always be ours?

How much heartache have we all felt over the course of a lifetime in letting go of and “losing” someone we love so much?

What if there was a special potion that would make it so that you never feel that loss? A potion in a beautiful little vial you could buy at a candle lit shop at the base of a snow covered mountain, concocted in limited amounts by a beautiful old woman with magical looking eyes?

Would you take the journey to buy it to ensure you’d never feel that loss again?

I’ve reached a point of understanding that has really allowed me to come into a new sense of what love is about and I want to share it with you, because it’s liberating.

To convey what I’m wanting to say about love, I need to rely on some words, first, by my favorite author, Paulo Coelho.  Read these once.  Read them twice.  Read them as many times as you need to until you realize the full magnitude of them.

“People give flowers as a present because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to posses a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in the field, you’ll keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening, and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon.

That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.”  – from the novel Brida

I feel like, throughout my life, I’ve always sought to posses people if I love them.  We all do. I think it’s a really “human” thing to do. We put labels on our relationship that denote different levels of possession. Whether it’s friendship love (best friend), or romantic love (husband, girlfriend, wife), we are always seeking to make the person belong to us in some way, which is inarguably, very romantic.

They are “ours” and we are “theirs.”

We go through life, acutely aware that someday we may lose this loved one.

And, let’s face it, we always do.

Sometimes it’s mother nature that takes them away from us, and sometimes it’s something more complicated like conflict of beliefs or infidelity or mismatched signs of the zodiac. Or the fact that they like raisins in their oatmeal cookies and you don’t.

While this idea of love equating possession is romantic, I really like the idea that love isn’t about possession at all.  If we realize that we can’t possess people, it means that we can never really lose them.  And that is quite freeing, because I know whenever I “lose” someone special in my life, I’ve felt like I had to mourn the loss of them.

I’ve been seeking to look at life through new eyes in the past few months, and I think this is one really important aspect of that.  I want to look at people I love as though they are flowers.  I want to admire their beauty, and gaze at them, and know they’re part of what’s going on around me.  I want to leave them planted, right where they are, for if I pick them and try to keep them, they’ll fade away.  But, as Coelho says, “…if you simply look at a flower in the field, you’ll keep it forever…you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.”

There is no magic potion, simply shifts in your way of thinking.  If you’re going through a break-up, and you’re feeling a loss of someone important and you’re hurting…remind yourself:  We cannot possess people, and because of this, you haven’t lost this person at all, and you never will.  They’ll always be yours.

I’ll leave you with another quote about the same subject from another one of my most beloved authors that echoes the same sentiment…in possibly even more beautiful language, if that’s possible:

“You see love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says “I love you.”  I love you if you’re in China, I love you if you’re across town, I love you if you’re in Harlem, I love you. I would like to be near you, I would like to have your arms around me, I would like to have your voice in my ear but thats not possible now. I love you, so go. Love liberates, it doesn’t hold. Thats ego. Love liberates.” – Maya Angelou

Love liberates.

If you’re hurting, if you’re going through it, as they say, I hope this helps to change your way of thinking and ease pain you feel, even if it’s just a little.  I know it has certainly helped me and changed the way I think.

Now, let’s collect all of the candy hearts and cards saying “Be Mine” that get handed out at Valentine’s Day and replace them with “Be Free.”

Love,

A

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