First, a note on inspiration: So often, I find that when I try really hard to think of topics to write about, I end up with nothing. I’ve learned that by paying attention to the people around me and the conversations and topics that keep coming up again and again organically, I’m left with more inspiration than I know what to do with. So, I’ve been making it a point to take notice of what’s repeatedly coming up and what the Universe is trying to tell me. Inspiration, it turns out, isn’t something you find – it’s something you open yourself up to.
That being said, this entire week, I kept finding myself in conversations about LOVE. It wasn’t like I was bringing it up – people were bringing it up to me. I knew there must be a “take-away” from all of these conversations, because it was way too strange to be a coincidence, but I wasn’t sure what / where the point of connection was. I knew eventually all of the dots would connect into a bigger message, and as I sat drinking my coffee this morning, BOOM, it slid into place (like that one Tetris block you’ve patiently waited for because it causes the whole wall you’ve built to disappear and add to your score…I know you know what I’m talking about).
The majority of the conversations about love I’ve had this week wound up being centered around the people we choose to be with, and how they’re a direct link / connection to how we feel about ourselves at any given time. I would venture to say that if you want to learn more about yourself, the best way to do that is to look at the people you choose to be with (your “type”) because they mirror back to us where we are on our path of evolution. Trust me…I have this down to a science.
Let me (attempt to) explain…..
Take, for example, the man who consistently chooses to be with attractive younger women. Sure, at first glance, it appears he’s just in it for looks – after all, what’s cooler than being 50 and dating a 25 year old (take it easy, sarcasm here, but no judgement). However, I do not believe for one moment this is simply a physical attraction. It speaks to me about how the man feels about himself; how he has a tendency to need to be a “Daddy” to women. He likes to know he’s in control and loves being needed and depended upon. It’s less about the taking care of someone and more about the superiority and power it gives him. If a woman isn’t below him in age (and usually career, income, education, etc) he isn’t quite sure what to make of her and he isn’t getting the validation he needs mirrored back to him. He wants a “little girl,” not an equal partner. This is how he feels emotionally satisfied. What is this saying about how he truly feels about himself? * I want to add that I don’t believe this dynamic is “right” or “wrong.” It’s simply where he is on his path of evolution. * He may become aware of these patterns and through a little self-exploration, unlock why he craves this dynamic, and then begin to seek out a different kind of woman because he’s dealt with his own empty space and is ready emotionally to deal with a different level of intimacy.
On the same note, what about the girl who consistently chooses the older man – or the bad boy, or men who are emotionally unavailable?
But if these dynamics aren’t particularly “wrong,” why change? Why grow, you ask?
Because it feels good. And because most of us want a true and lasting love. And LOVE feels GOOD when it’s right.
After having this conversation with a certain gentleman this week (he usually chooses submissive and quiet women and was visibly moved into self-reflection when we discussed), I dared him to consider why he chooses the women he does. I dared him to ask himself why dating a woman with a bit of a stronger personality is hard for him. “What is it saying about YOU? What are these women you choose mirroring back to you” I asked. Last night, he decided to go on a date with a woman who is outside of his usual “type,” and after speaking to him this morning, he sounds more alive and excited about someone than I’ve, quite possibly, ever heard him! Let me restate: I have never heard him this “alive” over a female. And, as he said this morning, “it’s not just the girl, it’s what she represents.”
Ding, ding, ding!!!
I am, by NO means, the final word on all of this. I simply observe the dynamic I see between people and have come to believe firmly that a true partnership is built upon two people who are at the same point of evolution coming together into an equal and healthy bond; meeting someone at the same level, if you will.
The people we choose to be with speak volumes about where we are on our own path of growth. This is why it’s unhealthy and even dangerous to “hold onto” certain people in our lives. Some people aren’t meant to stay. They’re meant to mirror back to us where we need to grow and evolve and then be set free. I encourage you to look at the person you’re with at this moment. What can you learn about yourself from them? What are they mirroring back to you?
What are your thoughts on this? Please feel free to disagree….